Riots

From The World According to Clarkson

How come every other city in the world staged a pretty good riot [except the British?] To understand why the British are so hopeless at getting off their backsides, we need to go back to the summer of 1381 and the so-called Peasants’ Revolt. A mob, seeking equality for all, had sacked London. They had burnt the houses of the rich, beheaded anyone dressed in velvet, opened prisons, drunk John of Gaunt’s wine and scattered financial records to the four winds [..]

Ten days later, the rebels confronted the king who told them: ‘You wretches, detestable on land and sea; you who seek equality with lords are unworthy to live.’ So they all went home. How come? What was it that extinguished the fire in their bellies? Well, I have no proof of this because nobody was keeping meteorological records in the fourteenth century but I’d like to bet that it started to rain.

A lot of people with vast foreheads have, over the years, wondered why Britain has never had a successful uprising. Some say it’s because the monarchy was too powerful. Others argue that you can’t have a revolution if you have a strong and contented middle class.

Pah. I say it’s because of the drizzle. Last year’s May Day riot was a success because it was dry and quite warm. This one was a washout because it rained and we are brought up on a diet of party invitations that always say ‘If wet, in the village hall’. And you can’t change the fabric of society from a venue that’s also used for parish council meetings and line dancing.

There is some evidence to back up this theory. The night of 11 April 1981 was dry and unseasonably warm. I know this because it was my twenty-first birthday. It was also the night of the Brixton riots. Aha, you might say, but what about the Russian Revolution? They also have rubbish weather so how did they get it together? Well, look at the dates. It began in early spring and it was all over by October. And when did the French storm the Bastille? It was 14 July.

Here’s a thought: the only reason why the Arabs and Jews have managed to keep their nasty little war going for 50 years is because it never bloody rains. If the post-war powers had put Israel in Manchester, there’d have been no bloodshed at all.

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Heh. Food for thought..